Intersections

Understanding Progress: Lessons from Powerlifting

May 23, 2025

mental health, physical health, Trauma Healing

Lately, I have been in a phase where I feel stuck in my mind. I am trying to figure out how to get out of my emotional trap. This is a good time to remind myself that healing, like progress in powerlifting, is not linear.

On the powerlifting side of my life, I can look back to when I started that journey. I remember the excitement that came with each new PR. With my coach whispering in my ear, saying progress isn’t linear. He highlighted different types of PR’s. It wasn’t just the PR of lifting more on a single lift than ever before. He also highlighted PR’s like doing more reps at a lower weight. I am thankful for that now, even if I scoffed at it at the time. More reps at a lower weight just didn’t seem like an achievement to me at the time. Then, alas, my old joints started getting aggravated. Some preexisting injuries also flared up. I had to really re-frame my thinking around training and progress. I cut back on the reps of certain lifts and scaled back weights on others. Spent more time focusing on form than on volume. It was frustrating, and I felt like I was just going backwards. However, the truth tends to come out in competition. I just competed in a meet last month. I did not even come close to meeting my meet PR for a total. I still felt like it was a win. I did PR my squat (which has been my nemesis lately). I would have (if not for some technical errors) met my PR’s for bench and deadlift. It wasn’t the weight lifted that made me feel so successful. I realized how much better my form was. The lifts felt much easier compared to the last time I lifted them at a comp. And there is another reminder in this message: success isn’t about proving your skills and value to other people. It’s about acknowledging them for yourself.

Looking at progress through the lens of powerlifting helps me when I get stuck on my healing journey. It is a good reminder for myself. In the past, I could brush off certain things that now cause me distress. This change does not mean that I am not making progress. Some things didn’t bother me because I didn’t even have the capacity to begin to process the feelings behind them, so I just shoved those feelings away. I may be more emotional about certain things. This is because I am actually addressing the root issue… I am working on my form. I have progressed to a point where old wounds are now a problem. These wounds were not an issue before. I could not bear enough emotional weight back then to address them, but now I can. Most importantly, I need to remind myself continuously. I know my value as a human is not based on what I can do for others. It is based on my being the best person I can be.

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How Power Lifting Changed My Life: Lessons for Mental Health

April 13, 2025

mental health, physical health
Seven years ago, I began a journey towards better physical health. I had no idea how much it would help my mental health as well.

I was getting ready for a major surgery. During the pre-op physical, they noted that my cholesterol was high. I was given the choice: diet and exercise or medication. I chose diet and exercise.

I made a lot of changes to my diet that year (some have stuck, some haven’t). I also eventually found a sport that I enjoy. I had never been an athletic person before in my life. I don’t like running. I also have poor depth perception. Therefore, any sport where there are flying objects is a hard no. So I never really thought I would ever find a sport that I could really get into. But then I found power lifting.

I still remember the first time my trainer had me put the barbell on my back for a squat. The weight of the bar on my shoulders helped me feel grounded for the first time ever. The constant noise in my head was quiet. It was love at first lift.

Lifting taught me a lot of things that were very helpful in my mental health journey.
1. Progress isn’t linear
2. Ignoring an injury doesn’t make it go away
3. Strength comes in many shapes and sizes
4. Trust the process
5. There is a difference between good pain and bad pain.
Over the next few posts, I will dig deeper into each of these ideas. I might also cover any others that I have forgotten about in the current moment.
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The Prodigal Son: Lessons on Change and Healing

March 30, 2025

Trauma Healing

I once had a boss who described me as allergic to change. I can’t deny that he was, and to some extent, still is correct in that assessment. Fear of change is a fairly common human condition. Even when one’s current reality is unpleasant or difficult, embracing change can be extremely hard.

There is fear that the work of change will not create the desired results.

There is fear that the change will take us away from our current support networks.

Change can feel isolating and threatening, like setting sail into a storm in a weather worn boat. Will there be a safe harbor at the end of the journey? Will anyone be there to greet me?

Healing from trauma, however, requires embracing change. Changes in how one sets boundaries. Changes in one’s self-esteem. Changes in how one processes emotions. All of these changes can be daunting, even when we know that they are all for the better.

The idea of being willing to embrace the difficult process of change reminds me of the parable of the prodigal son. Usually when I read this parable, I focus on the younger son’s return. His father sees him from a long way off. This reminds me that as we journey back to God and our true selves, God is there cheering us on. He comes to meet us on the road.

For some reason, while reading this more recently, my attention was caught by the older son in the story. When the younger brother is welcomed home with a party, the older brother refuses to join. He is bitter that a celebration is being held to honor that sinner of a brother he has. He is still holding the wrongs that were done over his brother’s head, even after his brother’s repentance. He refused to join in a celebration of the reunification of his family. I can picture the younger brother looking out of the house during the party, seeing his older brother sulk away. What goes through your mind when you go through the hard work of change, and your brother refuses to share in the joy? It is easy for me to feel the pain of the younger brother in this moment.

But I can also feel the pain of the older brother. How did the older brother feel when his younger brother abandoned the family, leaving him with twice the work? How hurtful does it feel when you do everything you are expected to and no one acknowledges it? This is where the spirit of bitterness starts to set in.

There are wounds in the spirits of both sons in this story. Bringing these wounds to the light helps us navigate our healing journeys. We can have the courage to make the hard journey back to ourselves. We can do this without knowing what the reception will be when we get there. We can allow ourselves to embrace the process of positive change. We can allow that change in those around us as well.

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Who Am I in My Life Stories?

January 27, 2025

Trauma Healing, writing process

One of my goals is to write my memoir. I don’t have a solid timeline for this, but it is definitely on the bucket list. Recently, I stumbled on some advice for aspiring memoirists that resonated with me beyond my desire to write my story. The advice was to ask yourself, “Who am I in this story?” instead of “Who am I?”

I have been asking myself the latter question my whole life. Who exactly am I? This shattered sense of self came from many different experiences. To sum it up, I never really felt like I fit in. I was afraid to allow my authentic self to shine.

Therapy has helped tamp down the anxiety around this question, but has never really helped me fully answer the question. But maybe, I have just been asking myself the wrong question.

Instead of trying to figure out who I am as a whole, I could ask myself. Who am I in the various stories from my life?

I examine the collective of all my life experiences. I cannot say I am always playing the same role. Of course not. Sometimes, I have been the victim, sometimes the victor. Sometimes, I have been the student, and sometimes, the teacher. Sometimes, I have been strong, and sometimes, I have been weak.

I am learning that needing help one day doesn’t mean I am “needy” or “incompetent.” Just because I can do a lot of things myself doesn’t mean I never need help.

In every chapter of my story, I expect to see a different facet of myself. Each part of my whole self will come forward. And this is something to be honored… not feared.

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Finding Your True Calling Beyond People-Pleasing

January 5, 2025

Trauma Healing

Controversial idea here…. Sometimes doing good and holy things isn’t as good and holy as we would like to think. Let me explain; intent matters.

In the past few years, several people have challenged me to examine the intent behind my actions. As a recovering people-pleaser, this introspection has been an important part of my healing. I realized that sometimes when I do nice things for other people, it does not always come from a healthy place. I might do something to be viewed as more important or to be viewed in a higher regard with my colleagues. It is amazing how far a people-pleaser will go to receive even the tiniest evidence that they are valued. In the past, my people-pleasing tendencies have resulted in me being overstretched. I was sacrificing my sanity, and my best self for my students to appease my colleagues.

People-pleasers are made not born. Sure, some people have a natural empathy for others and are always willing to help out. But the true pathology of people-pleasing comes from a profound need to feel connection and love. That profound need often comes from emotional neglect or abuse in childhood. At least, that is my story. And it is also my mother’s story.

My mom lost her mother when she was only a year old. Grandma had passed away after a sudden illness. In those important formative years, my mother received parental support only from her father. He was overwhelmed, with two little girls, and had just lost his beloved wife. I think those few years could have been enough to set my mom up to become a pathological people-pleaser. However, she also had the genetic predisposition for mental illness and was later diagnosed with Bipolar I disorder.

Fast forward to my childhood, everyone who knew my mom would describe her as a very generous person. She spent all her energy throwing darts at all the good and holy dartboards she could find. She dedicated hours to various devotions. She volunteered at every opportunity at the church. She visited those in prison. Once, she even literally gave a stranger the coat off her back (and I do mean literally). When I consider her childhood, I think mom was trying to find love and connection. She did this in the only way she knew how: by being good … and holy.

I was listening to a podcast the other day. The people talking were discussing how one knows what their “calling” is. The comment that stuck was this. Your calling isn’t just what you would like with your life. Your calling is also how God would like you to serve him. Many of us have interests and gifts that we would enjoy pursuing. However, your calling is the one that God wants you to use to serve him.

I’m not sure what my mom’s true calling was. I don’t know if she was ever really able to discern that for herself. But I do know that in her haphazard approach to doing all the good and holy things, she didn’t have a lot of emotional energy left for us kids. At the very least, taking care of us kids was her job.

Some things I have from my experiences and my mother’s experiences are these. You do not have to do everything you can for others to be loved. It is not selfish to prioritize your mental and physical health. If you take the time and effort to truly discern your calling, it helps you have clarity on where to spend your energy. It helps you do the good and holy things with the proper intent.

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Foundation Work for Emotional Healing

December 23, 2024

Trauma Healing

Foundations

There was a house that I went by everyday on my way to school when I was in high school. Many of the houses in this neighborhood were built without a basement. Apparently, this house’s owner wanted to change that. Unfortunately this house did not have the right type of foundation to allow for a basement. Undeterred, the owners embarked on an extensive project to put the right type of foundation for a basement. Their whole yard was dug up for a long time while this work was being done. Foundation work is hard messy work.

Much the same thing happens for those of us with childhood trauma. We get to adulthood to find that our foundation is not stable enough to support our adult life. We find that we need to do extensive foundation work if we really want to thrive in the world. So out come the backhoes and dig up the trees and gardens we have planted over the years. Everything is a huge mess for a while. We feel like everything about ourselves is exposed for the world to see… and criticize. We long for the day when we can begin to put the dirt back around our foundation. We long for the day when the earth around us settles. We long to plant trees. We yearn for gardens once again. Though it may be only a vain attempt to hide the scars. The point of all this is that often on the way to things getting better, things look a lot worse and are extremely messy for a while.

I originally wrote this almost 3 years ago. At a time when I was in the early stages of healing. I had recently begun to remember the childhood sexual abuse that I endured nearly forty years earlier. The excavation work had begun and soon I began trying to rebuild my foundations. I began to see signs of success as I went from twice weekly therapy sessions down to once ever other week. Eventually even taking almost a whole year off off.

I am back in therapy now. I realize that in the past two years, I have been trying to rebuild the foundations from the same building blocks I started with. The problem is that no amount of time is going to erase the impact of my mom’s mental illness on my childhood. No amount of therapy is going to give that young girl emotionally responsive parents.

What I have come to understand very recently is that although I did not feel that unconditional love…. unconditional wantedness from my parents, I do have a very real sense of unconditional wantedness from God. That is where I am now. I am filling in the weak spots in my foundation and wrapping the whole thing in some God tyvek.

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Navigating Life’s Intersections:

December 8, 2024

General

I have been thinking about writing a blog for a while now. You see, I have been on a journey. We are all on a journey.

I am seeking a life in balance. A life where I am at peace with myself and my surroundings. I have come to realize that to achieve that peace I need to be attentive to my health. Not just the health of my body, but that of my mind and spirit as well.

None of these aspects of self exist in a vacuum. They all interact, they all intersect, and it is in these intersections where the real work of healing is done. And thus… the title of my blog. Intersections.

My journey includes healing from childhood trauma. It also includes coming to terms with the alphabet soup of mental health diagnosis that are along for the ride. Diagnosis of ADHD, PDD (persistent depressive disorder), and cPTSD have shaped much of my life even if I am just now realizing their presence.

My journey also includes exploring my Catholic faith. As I do that I am growing closer to God. I am also coming to terms with harms that have been done in the name of both.

And in my journey I am learning to attune to my body, honor its strength and recognize its limitations.

I will never claim to have all the right answers for anyone else or even myself for that matter. I hope that my experiences and observations can help others on their journeys as much as they have helped me.

-Deb

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